Today I learned that it is physically impossible to b*tch slap someone through the phone...

Trust me... I tried. Really hard. But I'm hoping new advancements in technology will someday allow this dream of mine to become a reality.

Today I learned that skinny vanilla lattes are NOT as good as the full fat ones...

Period.

Today I learned that it is entirely possible to walk four Dobermans while riding your bike...

I really have no words to enhance this photo.

Today I learned that I am practically still a infant...

And I don't mean emotionally when I say this. At 31 years old, how is this possible you might ask? Well today a very smart guy (he's a consultant and they're paid to be smart, right? Haha...) said he heard a story on NPR that went something like this: With current and imminent medical advances, the first person to live to be 400 years old is probably already 40 today. WOW! I only expected to live to about 210, so I'm super pumped about this! Must find new ways to stay hot in my last couple hundred years though... hmmm... Might need to up my daily moisturizer regimin for starters...

Today I learned that the bar can actually leave you...

I actually learned this last week, but I was at a conference without easy access to my laptop to post. And it's my blog anyway, so I can make up the rules, right? Anyhoo, we were at a cocktail reception, which I vowed to only stay at for only an hour. Well, I held to my vow, but only because the bar actually left me. At 7pm on the dot, they wheeled that baby right out of there. Do you know how many times in my life I've actually needed the bar to leave me and it didn't? I think this practice should be fully implemented in other places as well. And while we're at it... can my cell phone also leave me after three or four glasses of wine? Please and thanks. :-)

Today I learned that at work, if nothing else, you can always accomplish attendence...

I was in the office from 9a.m. to 4p.m. today, and at the end I couldn't really put my finger on what I'd actually accomplished. Then I realized... I attended work! If Woody Allen was right and 80% of success is showing up, then I've at least earned a grade of "B" today. Woo hoo! I'll take that!

Today I learned you should never guess how far along a pregnant lady is...

It results in much embarrassment for all involved, or even just those in witness. In a meeting today with a pregnant gal and some other folks, one of the people says, "So how far along are you? Five or six months?" The answer: 13 weeks. OUCH! I had to leave before someone cried.